It’s hard to believe three weeks have already passed since we laid you to rest. These simple words may never adequately express my gratitude for all that you taught and shared with us; unconditional love, joy, peace, curiosity, wonder, acceptance, surrender, vulnerability, devotion, and forgiveness all come to mind.

I’m not sure exactly what I miss the most; it changes from one day to the next; noticing little things.

Perhaps it was your empathy; your God given gift to know exactly when I needed some reassurance; simple attention that eased the pain and sorrow of a broken heart and shed sunlight of the spirit into the darkest corners of my soul.

Your presence gave texture and meaning to my life when I needed it most.

While I’ve felt compelled to write to you for some time now, it’s only been lately that I’ve been able to put anything resembling coherent thoughts to paper. I appreciate your patience now as much as I ever did.

Mornings aren’t quite the same, but on occasion, I’ve felt your presence when I make the short trek up the hill to visit, pray and share the view. Thank you for staying a while longer. I know you believed you needed to stick around; startling, spooky yet vivid reminders of your energy.

I regretted it almost as soon as I had given you permission to move on to the next phase of your journey; to share your love and energy with others. Regret … simply my lack of faith that you would check in on your boys from time to time.

Digging your grave with Isaac’s help was challenging and yet strangely satisfying. It was a chance to share a deeply meaningful experience with him; a rite of passage, a departure if you will, as he navigates the murky waters between childlike innocence and young adulthood; perhaps your final gift to us.

Thank you for continuing to make your presence known. It deepens the mystery of The Universe – The Ultimate Ground of Being and bolsters my faith in God. We miss you dearly.

Love,
Jonathan and Isaac

P.S. I hope you’re enjoying the flowers as much as the deer seem to.

Anyone who’s been haunting this planet for a decent length of time has dealt with this sort of event. What I find most interesting is how it lands for me and the significance I find in it.

That significance and my grief surrounding this news and the impending separation seems directly related to my attachment to this amazing 4 legged teacher. This grief seems just as sharp and gut wrenching as what I have been experiencing with the passing of one of my uncles.

How can this be? What is it that drives this inexorably to the surface. It demands expression – tears, snot filled tissues, moaning and wailing. The release seems temporary, with brief respites of amazing calm in between bursts of sobs that break forth from what seems to be the very core of my being.

Yet in the midst of this intensely human experience, how is it that this amazing calm – something unbidden, arising from a hidden well of peace – seems to reside in that selfsame core from which my grief is welling up from. This is incredibly mysterious and familiar at the same time.

It seems I am coming to know myself as the paradox I’ve heard and read about. Most recently in a conversation between
Deepak Chopra and Marc Gafni: One of the “Future of Love” tele-series broadcasts by Integral Life. In the conversation, there is reference made to concept of coming to know ourselves as a paradox. Apparently an idea that is discussed in Chopra’ 1996 book “A Path to Love”. While I have yet to read the book, the ideas discussed resonated within and it was a moment of awakening for me.

That conversation and my current read “Soul Mates” from Thomas Moore have gripped my my attention and imagination. Within these sources, I am hearing more confirmation of my own path of mystery and unfoldment. The subtle clues that have provide a compass heading for my life. It’s only recently that I’ve found others have been talking about this sort of thing for millenia. No surprise really that there is a rich storehouse of teaching available to me for the asking.

Moore writes about the magical qualities of Soul and Soul based relationship. He points out that soul based relationships can occur between many different people in all kinds of circumstances. These are not limited to the notion of romantic relationships, but rather can indeed span the  breadth of our experience with relationship.

Attachment as it turns out according to Moore is the work of the soul. It is separate and distinct from spirit, Eros or the motive force of our lives. This is a subtle and very useful distinction for me: Spirit and Soul.

As I reflect (soul work) on my path, I can see that soul work has indeed been an imperative for me. Something I must do, deeply compelled, at times without regard to the consequences, bordering or perhaps slipping over into irrationality at times.

I was driving with my son and I happened to blow a shift and – grinch – there it was, even with a modern manual transmission designed to shift smoothly, I managed to extract that nice grinding sound out of a fairly new car.

Since my son was about to start driver training, I took the opportunity to edify him about yet another aspect of how cars work (yawn, um, yeah right, OK, whatever … Dad). We coined a new nickname for me – synchromeshgrinder. Since that’s a bit long for a domain name and the “proper” spelling of synchromesh was already taken, I opted for a common misspelling.

The nickname struck me as quite apropos … and then the gears in my head started turning and I started connecting dots. I seem to have a talent for seeing associations – connections if you will, between things that may not be apparent to others.

As of late, much of my personal reading, thinking and writing is connected in one way or another with consciousness – as in awakening. It’s all to easy to move through life unconsciously, in a habitual way and when I fall asleep, I blow the shift and have to wake up: again …

So this site is probably not going to have much to do with cars, but more to do with those connections that I find fascinating. I enjoy writing when I have the chance, so this little experiment is my outlet to do just that in a slightly more public fashion than my usual.

I do happen to be something of “motorhead”, so while I’m keenly interested in the spiritual and metaphysical realm, there’s a pretty good chance I’ll post a few things about cars and motorcycles and other random technology that I either use or find of particular interest.

P.S. It can’t be coincidence that the original header image for this site is named “path.jpg” and shows a man walking along an idyllic country road. Is he walking toward us or away? Hmm … seems like a good topic for an essay since that image is jam packed symbolism (my current perspective), but then that’s what makes life interesting isn’t it?